When you’ve fallen in love, you’ve probably noticed how a flicker of interest grew after you first noticed how hot your partner was. You felt the warm flush of pleasure at the first brush of their lips against yours, and you understand completely when I mention how the spark between you smoldered until it ignited into a burning passion. You may be searching right now for a way to rekindle those delicious feelings you have shared with your partner in the past.

For millennia, people have been using words associated with fire to describe the complex and abstract emotion of love. Perhaps this is because fire and love are both necessary for human survival and comfort. And both, if not carefully tended, can also quickly grow out of control and become destructive.

The way you build a fire can affect how long the fire will last and how much heat it will give off. Similarly, how you build and tend to your love relationship has a direct effect on how long your romance will last and how satisfying it will be to you and your lover.

During the next seven days, you will learn straightforward principles and engage in challenges that will help you to fan the flames of your love for each other.  

Day 1 - “Clear the Area”  

Just as clearing the area is a critical first step to a successful fire, it is also a crucial part of relationship-building. In fire-building, all the dead leaves, grasses, trash, and other debris surrounding the area the fire will be built must be cleared at least four feet away from the firebed. This protects the area from stray sparks that could cause a wildfire. It also ensures that any dampness hiding within the groundcover is moved so it can’t smother the fire.  

Recent research shows that many modern love relationships--especially those in which at least one of the partners is in business for him/herself--are cooling rapidly under the “wet blanket” effect of omni-present technology, leading to almost compulsive neglect of the present in favor of virtual or electronic engagement.

For entrepreneurs, this is even more difficult, as there is always another email to read and answer, notification to respond to, or metric to check up on in the pursuit of building the business. Unfortunately, this behavior is a key factor in:

• The rise of texting, which has been correlated directly with a dramatic decline in face-to-face conversations

• Further, the decrease of face-to-face conversations correlates directly with a dramatic decline in empathy, trust, discovery, democratic debate, patience, mentorship, and self-knowledge, as well as the ability to tolerate the occasional awkward silence.

• At the same time these important relationship tools have been shrinking, narcissism has been rising sharply.

• Studies have shown that the simple presence of a phone on the table hinders conversation and stunts compassion, whether you use it or not.  

But you can reverse these connection-killing effects.

Thousands of lovers have rekindled closeness by turning off and tuning in.

• Researchers have discovered that powering down for a period of time provides opportunity to reset and refocus appreciation and gratitude for life and loved ones.

• Unplugging from social media increases the skill of finding contentment in your present space and decreases your susceptibility to an emerging psychological disorder, the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), which has been shown to be connected to the advance of technology--the constant stream of notification feeds the fear of being left out.

• Life’s most fulfilling relationships are the ones right in front of you, and spending more time looking toward them does a great service to your soul and theirs.

Challenge:

Increase the amount of time you spend interacting with your loved one without your phone. This week shut down the phone and turn up your face-to-face time by establishing 3 “Screen-Free Zones:” 1) in the kitchen, 2) in your bedroom, and 3) in the car. During this week, when you are in a “Screen-Free Zone,” all screens--including television, tablet, phone, laptop, gaming devices--are powered down. Everyone present is expected to put their devices away, and interact.

Go the Extra Mile:

• Establish a regular “Technology  Sabbatical,” in which tech gadgets are banned for a (usually) large block of time, such as one designated day of every weekend, or one weekend a month, and see if you can work up to a “fast” of biblical proportions, such as 40 days!

• As ironic as it sounds, employ the help of one of the following apps to switch off your device and turn back to the loved one in front of you:--Moment Family, which enables you to track how much time you are spending on your iPhone and iPad. It also allows you to set daily usage limits and to reserve a device-free dinner. Anyone who sneaks screen time is called out by a blaring noise.

• Utilize Checky to track and map out your phone habits for empirical data on what you may not realize is an addiction!   

• Two other helpful accountability apps to investigate are Freedom and SelfControl  

 

Journal Your Experience:

Record something new you noticed each time you turned off your electronics so you could tune in to your lover. How hard was it? How did your partner react? How did you spend your time instead? Test your engagement: how many details of the time you spent WITH your partner but WITHOUT your partner can you identify? Using a scale of 1(low) to 10 (high), rate how close you felt to your partner.

 

Share Your Experience and Ask Your Questions! I’m only an email away. Send your comments, queries, questions or quibbles to me at Gina@MarriagesWorthMillions.com.